A woman has asked the internet if she was wrong for not inviting her bully big sister, who also happens to have autism, to her art show—and the internet didn’t hesitate to pick her side.
In a Reddit post shared on Monday, which has so far reached over 11k upvotes and almost 1700 comments, the woman, who goes by the username u/Fabulous_Lychee_8469, explained that when she told her intentions to her parents they lashed against her.
“I (18f) got into this prestigious art show that I am really excited about. It opens up on Friday and there’s going to be a party, but I didn’t tell my family because I didn’t want my sister (24f) to come,” the post starts.
She then goes on to explain how her sister is a really smart woman who even attended Ivy League schools, but when it comes to her she’s always belittling her and being mean, and for this reason, she wants to avoid being ridiculed at her own show .
“Anyhow, my parents found out about the art show and got mad at me for not telling them. They told me they’ll be coming to the opening with my sister,” the post continued.
u/Fabulous_Lychee_8469 goes on to talk about how hard she’s worked in order to get to the stage she is now in her career and she even suggested a solution that could benefit all.
“I asked if they could just wait until after the party and go later (the show will be up for a week) but they said they’d be coming to the party. They also said I was being ableist by wanting to exclude my sister . My sister found out and started screaming at me and calling me an asshole for not letting her share in this moment with me.”
According to peer-reviewed journal Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry (CCPP), a sibling who has an Autism Spectrum Disorder can impact developing sibling’s self-identity and personal development in a number of ways.
In their paper “A systematic review of the experience of being a sibling of a child with an autism spectrum disorder,” the authors share research from 2012 showing that 15 percent of siblings (aged 10–18 years) of children with varying disabilities were at risk or in the clinically significant range for emotional symptoms and prosocial behavior, and 20-30 percent also met at-risk or clinical threshold on overall difficulties and hyperactivity and conduct.
Most users didn’t hesitate to point out who the a**hole in the story was, and it was not the original poster.
One user, White_Unicorn, commented: “NTA. I wouldn’t want someone to come and publicly shit on the thing I worked so hard for. Also, pretty sure people with autism can figure out how to not be jerks just like the rest of us. Autism isn’t an excuse for being dismissive and unkind.”
Another user, DragonCelica, added: “OP, IT’S NOT ABOUT HER AUTISM. IT’S ABOUT HER BEING A BULLY. The fact that this behavior is only ever directed at you is a huge giveaway. The comment above says it’s likely jealousy, and I agree . No matter her motivation, not wanting your bully around is not ableist.”
And Canyamaybenot said: “This right here. And if she’s smart enough to go to a fancy school she’s smart enough to learn appropriate social behaviors, even if they don’t come naturally.”
Other users also shared similar situations.
Redditpartystaple wrote: “Agreed—as someone with mediocre EQ and MENSA-level IQ, I have had to and continue to WORK at showing up in socially appropriate ways. Caring is a choice and using one’s brain to figure out how to care is 100 percent in one’s control. Sis is TA and OP is NTA.”
JinFuu commented: “Yeah, it’s ridiculous to use autism as an excuse. An ‘explanation’ for some actions…maybe…but this is clearly targeted bullying by the sister. Someone who goes to an Ivy should be able to be taught “Don’t insult [your] sister in public!” At the very least. Weaponizing her neurodivergence.”
Newsweek has reached out to u/Fabulous_Lychee_8469 for comment.
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via firstname.lastname@example.org. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.